You only live twice.

So, I came back from Thailand on the weekend. It was only a short 9-10 day trip, but I still managed to come back home with the skin tone of an African temptress.

I had booked the trip shortly after I was diagnosed with anxiety a few months ago (story for another day) and had recently broken up with my boyfriend of 7 months along with plenty of other dramas which seem to find their way into my life too easily and too often. I just needed to forget and escape, and get away from everything that was troubling me here. It was the best remedy, and in terms of time off and relaxation it was everything I needed.

It's funny because my parents are from the Philippines, and so I've been there a few times in my childhood. I thought that once you'd seen one part of South-East Asia, you've seen it all, but I was utterly culture shocked. I realised when I got there it was my first time in a country where I didn't speak or understand the language, and to be honest... It was scary. The process of finding which airport gate I was supposed to go to by following the broken-‘Engrish’ signs  was a struggle enough, let alone trying to interpret what the locals were saying to me. What makes it worse is that half the time people thought *I* was a Thai local and would start speaking to me in Thai.

I remember being in the pool of one of our resorts one evening and I could hear a group of 3 middle-aged Australians talking close by. It was clear they were Australian, because they were what we would describe as inordinately "occa".

As I got out of the pool and walked past them, a conversation began...
Man 1: Where are you from?
Zerah: I’m from Sydney.

 ... All 3 were evidently confused as to how this could be. An Asian standing before them speaking English.

 All 3: Sydney?!?!
Extra bogan lady, likely nicknamed Shazza: That’s roight near us! We from down Souf in Ulladulla!
Man 2: How long you been in Sydney for?

  ...  I began to catch on that they may not get that many Asians down in Ulladulla.

  Zerah: I was born in Sydney, actually.

 ... The confusion escalates

  All 3:  Yeww were BAWN in Sydney?!?!??!
Man 2: Well, YOU’RE A REAL AUSSIE, THEN!
Zerah: Haha, I guess I am!
Man 1: Yeah. You speak good English....

Sometimes the overwhelming ratio of Asians in the Sydney CBD scares me, so it was refreshing to discover that it is counterbalanced enormously in other areas of the country.

As much as I don’t want to sound like a preaching mother Teresa, the trip really did make me realise what I take for granted here. You don’t understand how good it feels to open my mouth in the shower without fear of contracting SARS or the Ebola virus. I feel so free just walking down the street without fear of being attacked by hidden snakes in long grass or one of those “harmless house lizards” which, despite what everyone else thought, were cute for approximately zero seconds.

I spent my 22nd birthday there, and it’s a known statistic* that you’re at your life’s peak at age 22. I had 9 hours on the flight back home to sit in my own company and reassess my life, and I came to one main conclusion:

I want to have something more to show for the peak year of my life than having just sat at my desk, working on spreadsheets.

 

I realised that my greatest fear in life isn’t dying or being alone. My greatest fear is not reaching my potential, and looking back on my life when I’m old wishing I had done more.

Matt and I met a lady in one of our public taxis in Thailand. She was in her 50’s, all dolled up and ready for a night out. She told us she was going to a Reggae party that night which really impressed me. In agreement with her choice to keep living young, I told her “you only live once”. She told us that she always says “You only live twice. Once for everybody else, and once for yourself”.

I decided that this year, 22; is going to be dedicated to achieving things for me. And although that may sound selfish, I don’t want to wait until I’ve had kids and they’ve moved out of home for me to start doing what I want to do.
Men may get more distinguished as they age, but we women deteriorate rapidly after 30.  So just letting you know, you can expect me to be doing more of the things I like doing; writing, singing, not getting pregnant... you know, the usghe...

* = By known statistic I mean that I think I heard someone say it once.