The shackles of depression | RIP Robin Williams

I renewed my domain name.
Mainly because I needed something to motivate me to start writing again, and what better motivation than putting money behind something to keep you accountable, right?

This blog was initially started in 2012 because I needed to prove something. Aspects of my life I never wanted to surface had reached beyond the people I trusted, and I needed to express to those people that my past, and what I had done did not define who I was. I refused to be labelled by a single aspect of my life, so I lay it all out for people to make their own judgement.

I want to say that what I write now does not come from a place of having to justify myself.  I am much happier now. I’m in a better place and I’m stronger now than I think I have ever been.

We learn things in life. Our experiences shape us and create what we know to be truth, but some lessons are harder than others. I have learnt that in this life that everyone you love will let you down at some point; even the people you love and trust the most – and when this happens, it will hurt you. It will hurt because it is unexpected, and it will hurt because the pedestal on which you put those people is shattered.

The sad thing is that’s not even the worst part.

The worst part is that you too will hurt everyone you love. It may not be intentional, it may not be malicious, but we as humans can’t always live up to the expectations of others.

The news of Robin Williams’ death today really struck a chord with me. Of course death in itself by anyone is a terrible tragedy, but today was the first time I was truly morose at the death of someone I did not know. I am so grateful I sit on the fringes of my open-plan office so I could shed a few tears on the sly.

Perhaps it hit me so hard because Robin Williams played a large role on-screen during my childhood, but moreso perhaps it is because I can relate to the inner turmoil of a man being so well hidden behind the facade of a smile.

I may not know the struggle of a battle with alcohol and substance dependency, but I do understand depression and the irony of the source of your pain also being the solution for it. I understand that humour and wit are usually the subconscious defence-mechanism used to disguise or distract others from underlying issues and insecurities, and it pains me so, that this man listened to the demons that told him that his life was not worth living anymore.
Not even the laughter he brought, or even the love of his family was enough to conquer the lies that whatever he was suffering could not be overcome.

The shackles of depression are just that. They are shackles. They hold you down and create limitations that make you feel like you are not worthy.

Today, this tragic episode is a great reminder for all of us who are still here, who can still make an impact that our lives are fragile, so be kind and be gentle to one another.

When people hurt you, before retaliating, before burning your bridges remember that you too will hurt somebody one day, and when you do, you will wish from the bottom of your heart that they forgive you.

Remember: Our lives are fragile, so be kind and be gentle to one another, for you never know... sometimes even the most sparkling and radiant of people are in the darkest of places.