Rejected Article # 1 - Facebook Event RSVP etiquette

Today I find myself in the midst of 21st season, otherwise known as the season when every weekend consists of congregating at a said venue dancing to the same songs, listening to the same drunken speeches and coming up with a last minute costume to whatever ridiculous theme the host has conned you into participating in.

Having attended countless of these parties over the past year, as well as having just hosted my own 21st this month, there is one other remaining constant I have observed. 

Needless to say, the first and fundamental step to hosting any type of get together such as a 21st is the infamous Facebook event. For the two people reading this who do not partake in the social network site, a Facebook event is essentially a resource users can use to create and invite their friends to upcoming occassions. The guests who are invited are then able to RSVP as 'Attending', 'Maybe Attending' or 'Not Attending'. As straight forward as these options may seem, there is actually a hidden meaning behind how to interpret them. 

A lot of preparation goes into organising events such as birthday parties, so I thought I would do my part for society by outlining basic Facebook event RSVP etiquette.

Drawing upon what I've seen this year, I'll put forward what each RSVP option really means, and attempt to translate how they should be interpreted so that you can adequately prepare for your upcoming soiree.

I'm Attending: 

Roughly 30% of people who click 'I'm Attending' won't actually attend your event. Do not be fooled! It is a crazy coinsidence that your birthday also happens to fall on the same day a freak case of the Ebola Virus spreads throughout your network of friends because one-third of those 100 people "Attending" are going to text you an hour before your party starts and tell you they aren't feeling well. 

I must stress that 'I'm Attending' numbers are in no way an accurate reflection of the raging party you're anticipating to have. People who click ‘Attending’ either want to appear really popular, want to be polite, or by the off chance are actually a decent friend and wouldn't miss your birthday for the world. But I wouldn't count on it.

Maybe Attending:

People who click on 'Maybe Attending' can be summed up as people waiting for a better offer. They might consider making an appearance if nothing better comes up in the meantime, but the majority of people who click 'Maybe Attending' have no actual intention of attending your party, and the only gift you'll be receiving from them is the gift of false hope.

Not Attending:

This is probably the most straight forward option to interpret. People who click on 'Not Attending' are actually saying "Did you seriously invite me? I do not like you, and am not afraid to show it to all your friends".

With all these mixed messages and meanings in Facebook event RSVP-ing, you may be thinking that creating a Facebook event page may be a redundant form of invitation, however with these handy tips, you'll be able to differentiate your Great Aunt's sensible tea party from something of Corey Worthington proportions.

Valium is to kryptonite

This week I’ll be leaving little label/tags around unsuspecting parts of Sydney for innocent bystanders to discover in hopes to boost numbers to my blog, and expand my “following” outside of just the people I know. 

This idea was inspired (completely stolen) by my beautiful friend Nicole who has been sticking post-its with my blog URL on it around the world on her overseas trip.

If you’re one of the lucky people to find one, or should I say “the chosen ones”, who have made the curious and courageous step to see where the oh-so-mysterious piece of paper leads you, WELCOME to my blog! I would really love to hear from you in the comments box below. Where did you find it? Where are you from? How do you like your eggs?

In other news, as mentioned in ‘You Only Live Twice’ – I am dedicating this year to doing things I want to do for me. With the help of a very generous friend, I was able to land some time singing at my favourite lounge bar ‘The Red Door’, located in Surry Hills on Friday night. I sang 3 songs all up. A couple of videos of the songs can be found below, but keep in mind it’s very dim-lit, so the lighting in the videos is less than ideal (ie. probably the worst ever), and if at times it sounds like my voice is shaking because I’m nervous to the point of near-excretion…. It’s probably because I was.

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT - NIRVANA (COVER)

ELECTRIC FEEL - MGMT (COVER)

I haven’t done anything like this in a while and I was getting my nervous system confused with my anxiety symptoms from earlier this year. I wanted my racing heart and butterflies to be gone with, but unfortunately it’s not as easy as chanting “BE GONE WITH YOU, NAUSEA! YOU ARE BANISHED!” – When my anxiety began to flare up, I would usually take a valium (prescribed) to help with subsiding the sensations.

…I can easily see how people might get addicted to valium. When I first began to take it, I was cautious. Being a 5 foot Asian girl, I don’t have a great reaction to alcohol, so I’m often hesitant/against trying physically altering substances (energy drinks, illicit drugs, etc). It would only be in extreme cases, where I’d be crouching over the toilet at work dry-retching where I would consider taking half a pill. I soon came to find that valium was anxiety’s kryptonite and not long after I found that I was taking it at even the slightest hint of any sort of discomfort.

Anxiety seems to be a really vague term, and if you don’t know much about it, I don’t blame you. Before being diagnosed, neither did I. I had to learn about the condition as I went.

Anxiety to me, prior to being diagnosed had a stigma of being a condition whereby you wouldn’t be able to leave the house or function like a normal person because you were afraid of everything outside.  Personally, I suffered from un-triggered nausea. I would basically begin to feel my throat closing in, and the sensation of wanting to choke or throw up out of nowhere. I’d had this for a long time, but only in very small doses. Maybe 30 seconds or so of nausea once every few months, so it was entirely manageable. I honestly just figured my body had a weird reaction to certain weather patterns, or something equally as trivial.

It wasn’t until earlier this year when my nausea “attacks” became a lot more frequent, and could last for up to an hour. When these bursts of nausea happen, it’s not as simple as “feeling sick”. I physically wouldn’t be able to move. Once the feeling would come over me, I would freeze wherever I was and just have to wait until it subsided.
One time I was 15 minutes late to work because I was on the other side of the road at the crossing, just watching the light go green as everyone else walked past me. All I had to do was take one step onto the road, but I couldn’t do it. All I could do was watch the light go green. I watched it go 10-15 times before I could convince myself that I was going to be okay if I crossed the street too.
It’s a really hard thing to describe to someone who hasn’t felt it before, and it’s even more frustrating for the people you spend time with, because without any visible signs of you actually being sick, it’s hard to sympathise or understand. Being constantly told by someone that they feel sick gets old pretty fast.

When my attacks began interfering with my day to day living, I knew I had to see a doctor. It was conflicting, because I didn’t know what was happening to me at the time, and it just didn’t seem like a legitimate medical problem that a doctor would know how to deal with. Like a fool, I would try to think of different ways I would explain my symptoms that would lessen the possibility of me sounding completely insane.

“So, it’s a funny thing, really. I’m sure you get this all the time…  But sometimes, for no apparent reason, I just start feeling sick. My throat just closes in, and I can’t move or talk. I feel like I’m choking. I don’t actually throw up, I just feel like throwing up if I move…  It’s this weird thing I get occasionally… Not too often, just 3-4 times a day….. That’s pretty normal, right?”

 So yeah, you could see my dilemma………

One Saturday I went to see a doctor I had never seen before because my family doctor wasn’t working that day. I told her of my symptoms with full expectations to be shut down and told to stop wasting her time. It was busy that day at the medical centre, so I could tell she just wanted to get through as many patients as quickly as possible.

“You have anxiety. Here’s a prescription for valium”
“Umm……. WHAT??? Uh…. Ok?”

Without any real explanation as to how she knew what it was so quickly, and how my symptoms could possibly relate to anxiety, I just bought my medication and left. That night I told my mother what had happened, and she suggested I get a second opinion.

The next day our trusted family doctor was in so I saw him. He pretty much said the same thing, but thankfully with a lot more explanation. He gave me a “mental care pack” which entitled me to 10 free sessions with an in-house psychologist.

I went home and I researched the fuck out of anxiety; the causes, the symptoms, the remedies. I still had the attacks, but its funny how much more scary something can be when you don’t know what it is. Once I knew it was anxiety causing my symptoms, it didn’t make them go away, but I could rationalise what was happening to me in my head a lot better.

I began seeing my psychologist, and she basically became like a best friend. I could tell her all about the darkest aspects of my life, the things that were bothering me, things I had done, and I could tell her the full, uncensored version. The additional one-up she had on my closest friends is that she could also educate me about how to deal with my attacks, should they occur. She taught me breathing techniques and helped give order to the chaos in my life at the time.
Together we narrowed the cause of my anxiety down to a couple of triggers. An unpleasant work situation, and the fact I was in a relationship I knew wasn’t going anywhere.
Both of these situations have been removed which has alleviated most, if not all the symptoms I used to get.

I haven’t yet finished my mental care package. My psychologist only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and right now I really can’t afford the time off work. I’m doing okay without her for now though. My only problem is if I do have a random attack, I don’t know how well I will deal with it, but…. I guess that’s something for future-Zerah to worry about.

After going through the system, I have complete faith in and respect for all psychologists out there, and my best advice for someone who is seeing one is to be completely open and honest with them. 
They will help you, if you let them.

I’m glad I didn’t take the valium on Friday night. I’m proud of myself, for not being dependent like I normally would be, and for not taking the easy way out. I think it’s still yet to be tested, but I’m definitely on the road to normalcy.

Oh, and Arj Barker is in Sydney, and didn’t put it up on his website. I've tried tweeting him, but I think he likes playing hard to get.

Want to know a secret?

I have to be honest with you. I may not have been completely transparent with my intentions for this blog. 

I’m a massive fan of the philosophy of sharing secrets in order to give others permission to see you vulnerable, to let them know that everyone is in the same boat. We all have weaknesses, fears, triumphs, ambitions, aspirations, longing and dreams.

I’m going to share a dream of mine with you.

I want to write a book – Not just any book. A New York Times best-seller.

So what I’m trying to say is, this blog is a stepping stone for me to get where I want to go.

I’ve taken the liberty of mapping out a path to take to achieve this:

1.  Start blog (check)
2.  Write cool and interesting stuff.
3.  Drive traffic and awareness to blog.
4.  Acquire internet fame.
5.  Pray and wait for someone with a lot of money to discover and heavily enjoy blog.
6.  Convince aforementioned rich person to help fund my novel.
7.  Tick off item number 1 on life’s to-do list.

.... Now that I've come clean, and you know my motives, let’s get on with it, shall we?

I mentioned in my introduction post (click here to jog your memory), that one of the things I wanted to share with you was my search for love, and I figured, you can’t really understand someone’s journey without being given some context into their past. So, in the spirit of sharing secrets, and I think enough time has passed for me to be able to talk openly about this, I'm going to give you a brief rundown on the colourful past few years of my life, the reason I am the way I am, and why some of my choices have been less than ideal.

Let me take you back in time, to the 90's. John Howard had just been elected Prime Minister, Michael Jordan was at his peak, and double-denim was still socially acceptable.

This is a photo of me circa 1996.

 
















Yes, yes... laugh it up. The sad thing is, it only gets worse.




Zerah Gallardo circa 2000.

I managed to convince my parents I would look great with curly hair, and I got a perm at age 10. A legitimate perm.
Although there are several things wrong with this photo, I make no apologies for my metallic blue zip-up vest. I was sporting that badass piece with style all year round.

But despite contrary belief, and I know this may be hard to believe, but I was not fighting off the boys left and right.

Growing up with two different coloured eyes, buck teeth and a raging monobrow is not exactly a great recipe for attention from the "cool guys" at school. In fact, what it is a great recipe for is being incessantly bullied and coming home crying almost everyday. My low self esteem didn't necessarily stop me from being confident in other areas of my life. I've always known what I am capable of. I've always had amazing friends.
What my childhood did do to me was convince me that I am ugly, and that I couldn't attract attention from boys (now men) I was attracted to no matter how hard I tried. 

I have what I like to call "ugly duckling syndrome". I'm not saying I am a dazzling, vivacious swan, but I at least have two very distinct and separate eyebrows now, and when I do attract some sort of male attention, to me it's miraculous, because ingrained in my mind is that I am still that girl growing up who despite all her efforts to be something, anything else was always branded as unattractive.

So, with this in mind, I've subconsciously always tried to hold onto any male attention I receive, no matter who from. I have a real fear of being alone, so I've often settled for relationships which compromise what I might want for myself because I don't know when an opportunity to be with someone is going to arise again.

I rocked the McDonald's arches monobrow look up until about 2002/03, and then high school hit and things started to change for me. My.... interesting relationship past began to form, and is as follows:

2004 - Year 9. My first "real" boyfriend. (I say real, because when I was in year 6, I "went out" with a boy for 2 weeks, but after we were "officially going out", because we were so shy around each other, we only ever spoke on the phone after school and completely avoided each other when we were in the same place).
 
So this first REAL boyfriend was funny and talented and everything I wanted at the time, and because he was the first person I ever really received romantic reciprocation from, I obsessed over him until the end of high school, despite the fact we only went out for 5 months. He was my first love and he taught me a lot about the qualities I wanted to find in a partner. He's a good person and we're still loosely in touch every now and then.

2008 - The year after high school. Nothing much to mention here. A brief stint with a Uni tutor (from another Uni), but not much else.

2009 - Brace yourself. - I had the pleasure (sarcasm) of having an internet boyfriend. He was from North Carolina. It's funny, because although we only ever spoke on Skype and on the phone, to me, in my sick and twisted mind, he WAS my boyfriend. I would speak to his friends and family like I knew them. My friends at Uni would talk about their boyfriends, and I would join in their conversations and talk about things "my boyfriend" had said or done. 
The worst part is my poor friends who knew what was going on just played along with it, like it was normal, because they knew how much it meant to me and how serious I was about this guy. 

It eventually ended because he "cheated" on me with a (real life) girlfriend, and I cut him out of my life. Today, we are occasionally in touch, though nothing more than polite small-talk.

2010 - Chinese whispers seems to be a favourite game for some people, so you may have heard parts of this story, or even augmented versions, but put simply, this is it.
I met an older man who, from the get-go, just got it. He got me. He was smart and funny and politically incorrect, just the way I like. I fell in love far too quickly, and long story short, he turned out to be married. Despite any moral obstacles, we continued the relationship for over a year. It was life-changing and I grew up and learnt so much about myself this year. It was an intense and sadistic relationship full of heartache and drama and everything that makes it passionate and exciting.
We broke up due to me not wanting that situation for my life anymore, but shortly after his wife found out about the entire thing, and, as you could probably imagine, it was less than pleasant for all involved.
He is now single, and has been for over a year. We've considered getting back together, but the truth is we are too similar. We have the same perceptions, the same flaws and we're both looking for the same things in life. But the thing is, you can't provide something for someone else that you are yet to find for yourself. Although I think being with him taught me some life lessons ahead of my time, he'll always be "the one that got away".

2011 - The beginning of 2011 was when all the drama of the above occurred, as well as losing my best friends (another story for another day). I was really on the search for something stable, something drama-free, and I was lucky enough to meet someone who was the perfect gentleman to me. He was my saving grace at a time when I really needed someone who I could depend on, and who could be my companion. The relationship only lasted 7 months, but I have nothing bad to say about it. We broke up because we were trying so hard to make something work that just wasn't meant to be. I learnt the hard way that a relationship can't fix the brokenness inside yourself. I don't talk to him anymore, but I do wish him all the happiness in the world. 

2012 - The first half of this year has been a whirlwind of searching for another companion, and filling the void with knowingly temporary substitutes for the real thing. I think I have been on more dates with random men this year than I can count, including a couple of real catches (sarcasm yet again) from speed-dating sessions I went to with my friends. After realising the casual dating scene really wasn't for me, I've recently started to, as they say, C.T.F.D. But my psychologist (will elaborate in a later post) was an absolute legend for being able to keep up with it all. 

I am currently seeing one person more seriously. It's still early days, but he is smart, funny and also a perfect gentleman. He works back and forth in Western Australia, so I hardly see him which I think is a good thing for now. It gives me time to focus on myself and figure out what I want instead of irrationally rushing into something like I normally would. I don't think we know each other well enough to predict whether it's going to be a long term thing or not, but I really enjoy his company, so I'll give it a go and will keep you updated on progress.

Lastly, since we're on the topic of love, I want you all to join me in my pursuit of a date with my number 1 celebrity crush: stand-up comedian Arj Barker. I often use my twitter account to try and get his attention, and he's tweeted me back a couple of times.

So yeah, you can tell we're pretty serious now.

So, every now and then I will post about any progress I've made with him, and hopefully, together we can make this dream come true.

Consider "OPERATION: GO ON A DATE WITH ARJ BARKER" officially underway!

If you would like to keep up to date with any contact we may make, please follow me:

https://twitter.com/zerahaha

So, I feel I have revealed a lot about myself in this post, and hopefully that is enough to earn your respect, rather than an opportunity for you to use something against me as blackmail.

Please feel free to leave me any comments or questions.

Be well with yourself.